Dear Toko-pa: I dreamt that I entered a revolving door, in which I had planned to meet my sweetie, but then exited alone. I woke up shaking, like it was a nightmare, because I was desperate to find him there. We’d lost phone connection and I couldn’t get through. This dream comes up at a time when I have lots of questions about entering into a new phase of closeness with him. It’s loving and sweet but the level of my fear about losing him grips me sometimes. Have you written before, or would you consider writing about, the meanings of doors in dreams? – Spinning Lover
Dear Spinning;
I once knew a monk who used doors as cues for mindfulness. Each time he stepped through one, he’d notice his transition from one place into the next. He said it helped keep him in the Now by focusing his awareness on the nonstop transience of life.
The doors in our dreams are not dissimilar to waking life doors in that they mark the threshold between two spaces. The details of your door and how your respond to it says a great deal about how you cope with transition. Does your door open to the outside or the inside? Do you rush through it or are you tentative? Maybe you’re desperate to keep your door locked. Are you closing yourself off or are you receptive to change?
As your relationship enters a new phase, you are experiencing a symbolic transition. Given the nature of your door, it’s no wonder you’re feeling dizzy. The revolving door has become a colloquialism for transience. It was invented to accommodate a constant flow of traffic, remaining always open and always closed at the same time. The question is whether that’s a good or bad thing in love?
While a revolving door might mean a regular flow of fresh influences to the relationship, there is something to be said about the stability and commitment necessary to achieve goals as a couple. If you are choosing to keep your boundaries open and flowing, then good communication will be essential.
In your dream, the phone connection has been lost. Not being able to reach your honey might symbolize the need for more closeness with him. You might want to have a conversation about why your love feels like a high traffic zone and how you might create more security together.
You enter into love wanting to meet your lover, but you exit alone. While the dream plays out your great fear of loss, I wonder if it also asks the bigger question, “Are you are feeling met?”
Dreams sometimes play out our worst fears, but it isn’t to torture us. They are preparing us for every possible threat and relieving us of the pent-up tension that blocks us from going forward. So bless your fears for the signals they are and bring them out into the open where they can be addressed.
The revolving door, the lost communication and the ‘going unmet’ are all alerts from your unconscious. Ask yourself what you need to feel safer; what will help you move forward instead of in circles? It might be a good time to secure your boundaries, make your needs better known and see if he shows up to meet you. In the meantime, don’t forget to notice the momentous dynamism of passage.
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